Anyone who knows me or has followed my blog will know that 2012 was a difficult year for me. As my friend Ellie put it, “If there was a grief Olympics you’d definitely get a Gold!” Looking back I would say that 2012 was more about survival and I found the only way of getting through was to give in to the down times and make the most of the up…as ever in life there was a mixture of both.
What I have found out about grief is that one day I could be perfectly rational about the death of my parents, thinking “these things are natural” and “it’s the cycle of life”. Yet the next day an aching emptiness would descend and I couldn’t stop thinking that I would never see these two people again who were so wonderful and special to me. Often it wasn’t big things that upset me but something small that would set me off – a bad day at work or turning up to a B&B a day early! Basically I’m just not as resilient as I was and I have to remember this and take care of myself.
However there were also good times in 2012; time spent with friends and loved ones laughing and joking, holidays to places I hadn’t been before and, as ever, Isla was a constant delight and distraction.
So here I am in 2013; determined to move forward and live a happy life, just like Mum and Dad would wish for me and so far I’m doing pretty well. I don’t want to call them resolutions as they never get past January but these are my plans for 2013….
Run more…. last year I think I ran about three times so this year I’m signing up for the Leeds Half Marathon in May. I’ve done it three times now and it always gets me into some good habits early on in the year.
Don’t drink in the house…. this one’s caused quite a bit of amusement, comments like “won’t it be a bit cold on the decking?” or “wow you’re going to have to spend a lot of time at other people’s houses!” My reason for this is that I got in the habit of drinking regularly and I don’t think this was doing my waistline or my head any favours! I’ve only drank once in January and managed to stick to three glasses of wine so I’m off to a pretty good start.
Continue not to smoke…. I quit smoking on Sunday 15th July 2012 and although I had two lapses on nights out in 2012, I am determined that in 2013 I will be completely smoke free.
I feel I must clarify at this point that I am not going to turn into some clean living nut case who is tee total and obsessed with diet and exercise, my Dad would be very disappointed in me if I did
Wear false eyelashes more…. obviously this is a very serious one and I’m pleased to say it’s going really well. I’ve found the key is the glue, so instead of using the one that comes with the pack I use Duo glue – much more secure and makes the lashes easier to apply.
Do up the house…. I love my house but it is looking distinctly uncared for and there are several things that have needed doing since I moved in for example changing the avocado green bathroom suite. (Can you believe I’ve never had a white bathroom suite, my last one was royal blue!) I also have big plans for a sewing room in the attic which brings me on to my next plan.
Return to my sewing…. I hardly sewed at all over 2012, partly because I was living at my Mum’s but also because I didn’t really have much energy or motivation. From September I have been working part time and I now have Mondays and Fridays off. A couple of years ago I dreamt of working part time and making more use of my sewing and craft skills so I really want to make the most of my new working pattern. My first project of the year was altering Mum’s vintage Martini dress, check it out here. Watch this space as there will be plenty more to come.
So here’s to a healthier and happier year with more ups than downs xxx